My Brain Has 47 Tabs Open and 3 Are Playing Music

Most days as a dev manager, my head feels exactly like my Chrome browser: too many tabs open, fans working overtime, and at least three tabs playing music I can’t locate. Some of those tabs are literal—I’m forever one tab away from a crash—but most are mental. Projects, people, deadlines, and somehow also trying to keep up with new tech. All of it competing for attention while I’m just trying to get a piece of actual work done.

I used to think I could handle it all. Until one morning standup when the multitasking, late nights, and constant context switching finally caught up with me. Someone on the team said the wrong thing at the wrong time, and I just… broke down. Not my finest moment, but looking back, it was the wake-up call I needed. Even the strongest machine will crash if you don’t close a few tabs.

That’s the thing about leadership: the tabs never really close. You’re coding one moment, answering Jira tickets the next, and then jumping into a Slack thread that’s spiraling into full-blown drama. Slack, in particular, is the worst. It’s like standing in a crowded room with everyone shouting your name at once. For years I felt guilty ignoring anyone, until I started blocking out focus time in my calendar. Now Slack politely tells people I’m busy, which tricks my brain into not panicking about being “rude.”

But even when I manage the noise, the heaviest load isn’t the technical work. It’s the people side—the mentoring, the supporting, the motivating. It’s the emotional labor of trying to keep others afloat while you’re treading water yourself. I love that part of the job, but some days it weighs more than any deadline.

Finding out I had ADHD two years ago helped me make sense of all of this. The way my brain jumps between projects, conversations, and tasks—it’s not just chaos, it’s wiring. And while it comes with challenges, it’s also a superpower. Hyperfocus with techno blasting in my headphones can get me through hours of deep work. Scribbling notes on my ever-present A4 notepad keeps the scatter from winning. And tools like ByDesign and my calendar (for literally everything, even social plans) help me create just enough structure to stay sane.

So yes, my brain is messy. It always will be. But that doesn’t mean it’s broken. If anything, it’s proof that leadership is less about running the perfect system and more about knowing when to hit pause, when to reboot, and when to just laugh at the absurdity of it all.

If your brain feels like a browser with too many tabs open, you’re not alone. Some days the music will be chaos, some days it’ll be rhythm, and some days you’ll forget which tab is even playing. That’s okay. What matters is that we keep going—and maybe, just maybe, give ourselves permission to close a few tabs along the way.